Your fiancée may be the most incredible person on earth, but there are some issues that will need to be discussed before you become man and wife. Whether you are in premarital counseling or not, it”s best to have a few things settled with your spouse-to-be before you walk down the aisle. You need not even agree on these issues, but heading into marriage without knowing where the other stands can cause unnecessary frustration. Here are six conversations you need to have before your wedding.
Faith and Values
Religion plays a large role in marriage whether you are devout in your faith or not. It may not seem like a big deal now, but sooner or later it will become a big deal, especially when the children come. Talk about your faith or preferred religion, and how you would like to raise your kids. Talk about which church you want to attend and how often you want to attend.
Children
It is important to know going into marriage how the other feels about kids. Discuss if you want children and how many you want. It is OK to disagree on how many children you would like, since after having your first, you may change your mind. But it is best to find out if your ideas are compatible. If he wants six and you want one, that can cause a problem. Talk about the possibility of adoption or foster care if you are unable to have children. Discuss discipline options and talk about keeping your marriage a high priority after the kids come.
Money and Careers
It is said that finances cause the most problems in marriage, so it”s a good idea to talk about it sooner rather than later. Talk about whether you want a joint account or separate accounts. Discuss how much time you want to devote to securing a solid financial future and how much time you want to spend together securing a solid marital future. Talk about who is a spender and who is a saver and how to work together. Decide if you want to put your career aside to raise a family and how to get your finances to the place where you can stay home with the kids if you want to.
In-Laws
The in-laws are not an insurmountable issue, but it can feel like it at times. Talk about how close you each are with your family and how close you would like to be. Discuss where you will spend holidays and how to deal with in-laws when raising kids. The only crucial thing in this discussion is to always place your marriage as a higher priority than the in-laws.
Hopes and Dreams
Discuss your hopes and dreams for your marriage, your career, your life. It”s important to know if your fiancée would really love to take big vacations, live in the country, host large parties twice a month, or work from home. It”s important that your fiancée knows if you want to homeschool your kids, start a business, own a vacation home in the Hamptons, or retire at 50.
Divorce
No one gets married with a plan to divorce. Yet half of all marriages end in divorce, so it”s a good idea to make a plan to stay married. Talk about what you will and will not tolerate in marriage. Decide together that you will never say the D word in the heat of an argument or threaten the other with divorce. Determine that you will put each other as a higher priority than any other relationship. The best way to stay married is to develop an iron-willed determination and intention to do so.
